Tired of giving myself to people and getting nothing in return.
Tired of mending broken hearts while living with one that’s been ripped in two.
Tired of seeing the good in everyone and only that.
Tired of getting attached to people who always leave.
Tired of loving and never being loved.
Tired of questioning “what’s wrong with me” or “where did I go wrong?”
Tired of crying my eyes out and then getting up in the morning and putting on a smile for the world.
Tired of never being good enough, or pretty enough, or hot enough.
Tired of shrinking myself to find a place to belong.
Tired of trying to find acceptance.’
There are so many girls who can probably relate to everything I wrote above. I spent years of my life experiencing that tiredness. At some points, just one form. Some days, it all weighed down on me. Everything at once. Years have passed and I have grown. I have grown a lot but some days, I feel this tiredness all over again. Some nights, the tears still come. Sometimes, I plunge deep into my sadness. Some days , I lose it altogether and I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel burdened. My heart aches and I break. I break in the silence of my bedroom. Sniffling so as not to draw attention to myself. Silencing my cries. Resisting the urge to just scream. You know that all too well, don’t you?
But I don’t want to be that tired anymore. I am tired of being tired. Tired of being tired of being tired too.
I know what it’s like to be down and ready to give in. I know what it’s like to be told you’re not pretty. I know what it’s like to not fit in. I know what it’s like to not be wanted by the one person in the world that you want. I know what it’s like to hate myself. I know what it’s like to be insecure about my body. I know what it’s like. And I’m not afraid to say it. However, that is only a tiny piece of my story.
I refuse to make my life story be full of only my hurt and my pain. And I want you to do the same thing. I know you are tired. I know you are hurt. You’ve been depressed. You’ve questioned why your parents didn’t do you a favour and have an abortion. You’ve probably contemplated the easiest way to end your life. You’ve probably felt the urge to slit your wrists. You’ve probably thought of running away.
Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Please. Don’t.
Turn your pain into power.
You are beautiful. So yes you don’t have the curves like her or the ass like hers. And yes, your hair is very hard to tame. And you have a pudge where you wish a flat stomach with abs was instead. And your legs are rubbing together. No thigh gap. And you woke up one day and you saw stretch marks. And your skin has so many scars.
Love each and every ‘flaw’. You’re not perfect but you’re you. You’re unique and you’re special. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Don’t listen to that girl who constantly bullies you. Don’t listen to that guy you love who constantly compares you to other women. Don’t listen to society screaming at you through commercials and magazines that there is a particular standard or definition of beauty.
Girl, you’re fine as hell. No, I’m not lying to you. You are precious honey. You are amazing. You are worth a love you don’t ever have to question. Give your eyes a rest. Look in the mirror and like what you see.
You’re a woman. Beautiful and great.
I’m tired of seeing you being tired.
I’m tired of seeing you depressed.
Promise me this:
– Before you go searching for love, promise me that you will first learn to love yourself.
– Before you pour out all your heart, promise me that you will first ensure that the person deserves it.
– Promise me that you will entertain only positive comments about you.
– Promise me that you will always stand up for yourself.
– Promise me that you will never shrink yourself to fit in.
– Promise me that you will not be silenced but you will make your voice heard.
And I promise you that I’ll do the same.
– Nashelle .S. Hird